How we impact
I awoke to a random text from son this morning… which is not unusual as we communicate often but what was unusual was his sharing about how he experienced his home with me and his then step-dad.
Some context of his step-father was he took up “a lot of room” in a space, his presence was known and it could fill a room the way dry ice fills a room at halloween party. His voice was loud, his movements were small, and he could pull blood from you without putting his fangs in your neck. His power and prestige allowed for him to say almost anything he wanted without retribution or consequence. He created an hierarchy without ever having to say what it was, you just knew he was on the top.
“YEAH MAN” spits in the cup crosses foot over other foot and redirects his focus on the TV. At same time wearing cameo shorts (everyday) with no t-shirt (while his belly spilled over the top) Then realigns the dip in his mouth with his tongue, barely giving eye contact to you, listening but all the focus is not the TV.
“Gets up takes the dip out and gets up and pours one more glass of wine.”
“That was the setting scene script of our life movie in our home Mom.”
This blog isn’t about this man in that lived in our home, this is about the impact we have in the lives of others.
I assert that most of the time we are not aware of the impact we play in the lives of others and how it will and can directly affect our own lives.
Our impact is stated in how we interact and also how we speak, whether it be our tone, or our accent, or our body language and the bigger ways in which we impact is who we are being.
Are we aware of who we are being? I would say most of us are not. We are blindly living our lives focused on the things that seem important to us at the time - Living for what we want for that day or minute. None of that is wrong or bad, and with that I assert we will not be aware of our impact.
Who we are being ie; the essence of who you truly are in your soul.
It is often colored by the experiences we directly experience (ed) in our lives by the events that took place or didn’t take place. Said step-dad experienced feeling small and disliked in his home, bullying, etc … So he lived a life where he acted that out with all that he interacted with especially those that were smaller than him.
Our impact is what and how we want others to feel in the world. Our impact can directly change the course of events in ones lives, and it can certainly change the course of many lives. The step -dad to my children had an opportunity to impact my children for the greater good, he was well-off, he had nice things, he had power and prestige- After sometime of texting, I asked my son- “In what ways were you impacted by him?
His response:
“Honestly, we got along ok, I just know that I wouldn’t want to be that kind of man, obsessed with money and power and then doing nice things but then using them against you”
So here in lies a young man waiting to be guided and shown and loved. The impact on him was “I never want to be that man”
The step-dad’s commitment to being big, powerful, controlling, and money focused outweighed his commitment to being generous, kind, present and loving. You can be powerful, BIG and money focused while still being generous, kind, present and loving. It’s not right or wrong -
Imagine what BOTH/AND would do if we allowed ourselves to see the impact we play in the lives of others, if we allowed ourselves to be BIG POWERFUL HUMANS and being GENEROUS AND KIND. When we commit to being one way because of our teachings from childhood or old belief systems it only allows for one outcome. You get to decide the outcome -
So my question really is who are you committing to impact?
What would that look like for you to impact the world or maybe one person?
Most of us will look inside ourselves to see what our impact is.. how we see ourselves is not how others view us. I doubt the step-dad sees himself as power seeking, and cruel, he sees himself as powerful, generous and self assured.
When we look inside to to see how we impact others, most of the time either we do not know OR we won’t be honest with ourselves, asking others to share how they see us (more than one person, and preferably not your best friend because they will not be honest either) we must ask - in service of humanity. We may find that there is a gap between how we see ourselves and others perceive us.
We look at what is missing rather than what is wrong. What qualities do I want to “be” rather than the qualities I want to “do”.
While it may feel scary, and vulnerable to live fully in how we want to impact the world - I cannot imagine living life not knowing my impact, and questioning it daily.
Ways that we can impact:
*share a small story about your life
*acknowledge yourself - acknowledge someone else
*live your purpose
*generosity
*beauty hunt
*be intentional with your speaking
*Be a leader in your own life
*Say what you mean-don’t say it meanly
*vulnerability
*follow through
*listen
*presence
Our impact is the mark that we leave on the planet, it is the most beautiful experience we can give other human beings in the world. It does not cost a thing, and it does not take anything from anyone.
While the step-dad may have not had a THE impact on my son (that I or he wanted) he did have an impact. He created an environment that kept people scared, and small, he listened but was not present he used his powers for fear rather than for LOVE, he taught him who he didn’t want to be and what who he ultimately wanted to be.. Not all is lost in that scenario and if you ask him he will tell you that he thought he was “a man that would help a stranger on the side of the road”. The impact was my son being responsible and knowing how he wants to be and who he wants to impact in this world.
So my question is what is the “impact” you are having right now with others and with the planet?
Are you using your super powers for good?
Are you beauty hunting?
Are you aware of your impact? Are you willing to have a different impact?
When we are willing to commit to being OUR impact in the world ~ We will impact the world.
Much love,
J