Clear is KIND
A dinner with an old friend revealed the other day that she had many dates with a man recently who told her he would call her after several dates. He had revealed that maybe he had COVID-19. After many repeated attempts to get in touch with him — he never returned her call.
It got me thinking about how when we are not clear we are NOT kind. Communication is the key to intimacy - intimacy in the creation of relationships. Whether it be an attempt to have a distinguished conversation with your boss, or your lover, communication is the elastic that allows it to move forward or backwards OR simply stay still.
Standing water becomes murky, muddy and sometimes dry. There may be beautiful rocks and algae underneath but you would not know that because there is no flow or clarity. The same goes with our relationships, when we are not clear with what our intentions are it is an UNKIND act to ourselves.
Recently on a conversation with my coach we discussed how me being very clear with what I wanted in my life would allow for clarity as well as boundaries in my life. It would be the thing that would give me proprioception (awareness and positioning). It would allow for me to see from all sides of myself.
It would allow me to position myself where my body wanted to go as well as where my heart wanted to go. We imagined me being a sunflower positioning itself for the sunshine because I was clear that I needed more of that. I think that is true with how we are in relationships we position ourselves in service of what we really want and desire. It is ok to NOT be clear, and the kindness is “Hey I am not clear” communicated to the other person.
What I notice is that when we begin to be clear with ourselves we can then begin to be clear with others. It must first start with us knowing what we are willing to accept or decline.
When my son went to his first rehab he came home with a piece of paper each weekend and it had clear items he was to do and clear times he would be home. I also had a piece of paper that had clear items I would do or wouldn’t do. We signed off on it each Friday. I remember at first it was weird, uncomfortable, and honestly it meant I was to follow through and in a world where murky waters felt better than clarity it was not easy.
It was KIND though. We were both clear on what we could expect from each other. It allowed for flow and ease, it allowed for kindness and compassion and it allowed for relationship.
We cannot coexist and grow in a world with murky waters where one day we are doing this and another we are doing something else, and let me be clear, it is OK to change your mind. The key is to change your mind with integrity, to be clear on the resistance that you are having, so that you can share it and allow the other person to have the clarity and understanding for them to be clear.
Clear is Kind - What is your intention? Get really clear on what you want to experience.
Uncomfortable creates possibility- the uncomfortable conversation creates possibility, it creates the unknown, it creates beauty, it creates relationship, it creates freedom.
Say what you mean, but don’t say it meanly- We can be clear and direct without being mean. We can be kind and compassionate and it still be a NO.
Clarity creates our vision for what we want in our lives, it gives us a place to move from, just like the sunflower knows that it will need to grow in the sun, we must be clear so that we know how we need to move.
Allowing yourself to be clear will allow yourself to be KIND.
Much love…. J