Trusting yourself
I have a client that came to me about five months ago wanting to feel different and get over her abusive ex. She called me because she heard that I, too, had to get over an abusive ex and some other things..
She would say things like I don't trust myself, Or question everything she did and how she felt, I noticed how wrong she made herself and the constant judging she had of herself. She was in pain, pain from the hurt, pain from the abuse, pain from not trusting herself, and pain because she believed she was to serve everyone, a belief from her childhood.
She had watched her Mom serve everyone but herself, and the busyness of her life was about others.
We talked about how our culture solicits us to abandon ourselves and how daily, we choose to either serve others and leave ourselves.
Our conditioning comes from how we are supposed to be in the world, and for many women, it is to look a certain way, act a certain way, and have Loyalty to a man or a society that has no loyalty to us. When we are angry or rageful, we are "crazy" when we are sad or mad, or both we are called bipolar; when we have any push back, we are aggressive.
After a while, we begin to believe the stories about us without asking ourselves if these are our truths. Most likely, these are not your truths, the truth you forgot to tell, the truth that you don't like spending time with this person or working for your employer, or you're angry for being gaslit by loved ones.
In that myth, we have once again abandoned ourselves and dismissed our feelings, inner truths, and painful experiences. We trust others more than we trust ourselves; we may even wonder if we are who we say we are.
People who do not allow for your feelings are afraid of their feelings.
Our work is to stand in our truth and not their truth.
While this may feel scary- it is. It is the bravest thing you will ever do. Owning your truth, repeatedly asking what your truth is, and then sharing it with the world.
A few ways to start on the practice:
Three tiny things for yourself every day. i.e., smell flowers, take a walk, drink water
Feel into your body's reaction to when you say YES, and when you say NO.
i.e., constriction in the body will give you feedback.
Practice saying No without an explanation i.e, start small, no to dinner, or no phone call.
These will begin to give you feedback and support into trusting yourself. Choices are the gateway to trusting oneself.
As you begin in the practice of loving yourself more, you will like yourself a whole lot more!
Your trust in yourself will become the norm, and the less you will look for external validity.
Today my client is hopeful, creating her new branding in her business; she is assertive in her life and finds her parenting is more consistent. She has moved on from the ex and has created a deeper relationship with God.
Trusting oneself is a practice - we likely were not modeled by our immediate family to trust ourselves; it is not something to blame our families for instead of being responsible for ourselves.